'Brave girl, promise me, you will not shrink yourself in order to make others feel comfortable.'
Quarantine. Feels. Right. There.
I'm fairly certain most of us are feeling a bit different during this pandemic, completely understandable since life as we know it has been turned upside down. My thoughts have been all over the place - one day I've been loving the calm and appreciating the fact that I get to rest, but the next I've been filled with stress over business and financial worries. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, and it's important to remember that there's no right or wrong way to be right now. At the end of the day, none of us have ever experienced anything like this before, and we all deal with uncertainties in our own way, we all have our own coping mechanisms.
My way of coping with anything in life is, well, to sometimes throw myself under my duvet and not surface, but mostly to throw myself into work and keep busy. As I work on self-development and learn more about myself, I realise that there's a reason for this, and it's something I should probably explore further at some stage. But for now, I'll do what I do best, and what keeps my mind at rest.
Except. A part of me feels guilty for being this way. Well, I think it's guilt, I'm not really sure. But when I'm aware that some people are struggling to adapt, to get out of bed and get dressed in the morning, I do feel somewhat guilty for feeling the opposite, and for wanting to use this time to be as productive as possible.
The thing is, I don't often have a lot of time. Sure, it's up to me how much I take on in a day, especially being self-employed, I get to choose whether I work three hours, or thirteen. But I like to make the most of my days so I do as much as I can - work, gym, blogging, reading, etc, etc. And in reference to what I said earlier, there's an element of me keeping busy that's related to how my mind copes with life. But what I'm trying to say is that I have routine, I have tasks I do every day, and some days I'm left with very little 'free time'.
So I guess that's how I'm looking at my current circumstances, I've now got the 'free time' I often struggle to find and always long for. Which gives me no excuses for putting off the things I always want to do but can never find the time for. The clearing out of my room, my attic, of all the old memories that are doing me more harm than good to hold on to. The books I want to read, the movies I want to watch, the hair and make-up tutorials I want to create, the recipes I want to try. And so the list goes on.
But there it is again. That 'guilt'. I don't feel guilty for doing these things. But I do feel guilty, as someone who has an online space for sharing an insight into their life, that my highly-motivated, goal-chasing nature may come across as boastful or may make others feel inadequate if they aren't feeling the same way.
Let me gently remind you again though, there is no right or wrong way to feel at the minute. Those bury-my-head-in-the-duvet-days have happened, albeit not too frequently, but I've had them too. It is normal for all of this to overwhelm us, to worry - about our health, our work, our businesses, our income. And the worst part for me - to miss my friends and family.
On days when I've felt like that, I've grounded myself by thinking that I may never get this chance again. All too soon I will be back to being 'too busy'. Although perhaps this situation will change my priorities and how I use my time. Nonetheless, I've gone back to using my time productively, despite the feelings of guilt. Because this is my time to do what I want and to cope the best way I can . Sure, I don't have to share everything I do online, and I don't, but my intention of doing so is always to inspire and encourage and lift others up, not to show off or boast. If one person sees me wearing make-up and it encourages them to get out bed that day and put a little make-up on for the first time in two weeks, and subsequently makes them feel better about themselves, then I've done good, I've done what makes my heart happy.
The thing is, I don't often have a lot of time. Sure, it's up to me how much I take on in a day, especially being self-employed, I get to choose whether I work three hours, or thirteen. But I like to make the most of my days so I do as much as I can - work, gym, blogging, reading, etc, etc. And in reference to what I said earlier, there's an element of me keeping busy that's related to how my mind copes with life. But what I'm trying to say is that I have routine, I have tasks I do every day, and some days I'm left with very little 'free time'.
So I guess that's how I'm looking at my current circumstances, I've now got the 'free time' I often struggle to find and always long for. Which gives me no excuses for putting off the things I always want to do but can never find the time for. The clearing out of my room, my attic, of all the old memories that are doing me more harm than good to hold on to. The books I want to read, the movies I want to watch, the hair and make-up tutorials I want to create, the recipes I want to try. And so the list goes on.
Let me gently remind you again though, there is no right or wrong way to feel at the minute. Those bury-my-head-in-the-duvet-days have happened, albeit not too frequently, but I've had them too. It is normal for all of this to overwhelm us, to worry - about our health, our work, our businesses, our income. And the worst part for me - to miss my friends and family.
On days when I've felt like that, I've grounded myself by thinking that I may never get this chance again. All too soon I will be back to being 'too busy'. Although perhaps this situation will change my priorities and how I use my time. Nonetheless, I've gone back to using my time productively, despite the feelings of guilt. Because this is my time to do what I want and to cope the best way I can . Sure, I don't have to share everything I do online, and I don't, but my intention of doing so is always to inspire and encourage and lift others up, not to show off or boast. If one person sees me wearing make-up and it encourages them to get out bed that day and put a little make-up on for the first time in two weeks, and subsequently makes them feel better about themselves, then I've done good, I've done what makes my heart happy.
The quote I started this blog post with randomly presented itself to me at just the right time last week. The 'guilt' I was feeling and worrying about was at an all time high. But this made me think about everything I've written here. It isn't wrong for me to use this time productively, just in the same way it isn't wrong for someone to stay in bed all day, if that's how we get by. As I mentioned earlier, we are all different, we all cope in different ways, and no-one should be judged or put down for being who they are.
Do what you feel you have to do to get through quarantine. Be you, do you, for you. Be brave. This too shall pass.
Friday’s
Giirl
x
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